No Longer A Losergurl

For years, I’ve written on Losergurl and people would ask me, over and over, WHY do I call myself a losergurl?

You see, when I was in the middle of being bullied, people would call me a loser. I began to believe them.  When I decided to talk about being bullied, I thought, well, you call me a loser, well, I’m the best damn loser you will ever meet!  and Losergurl was born.

The thing is, I’m not a loser. I never was a loser.  I am just Ally.


I was someone who was a victim, and someone who found the strength to fight back.  I was someone who believed that I was worthless and fought hard to realize that I wasn’t. I was sharing with the world that I WASN’T a loser, but I was still calling myself losergurl.

So now it’s time for change. Change is scary. Change is good.  I want to share more of myself than just my bullying story.  I AM more than my bullying story.  I’m a good writer, a fabulous songwriter, and a really good singer.  I like music.  I love concerts. I like fashion. I like making friends and a I really like helping others to know that they are pretty terrific, too. I’m still working on helping to stop bullying, but I’m sharing much more of me.


So, I have decided I am no longer a losergurl.  I’m just….. Ally.

And that is pretty perfect.





Sorry, Oprah, I Love Who I Am

I know it’s January, and this is the time of year where there are so many commercials  and ads everywhere telling people to just buy their stuff and they can LOSE WEIGHT!  They can start their New Year finally earning the right to BE HAPPY if they would just buy their weight loss program, gym program, or supplement.  Of course, you must START ON JANUARY 1st! because you can’t possibly have a good year if you don’t LOSE WEIGHT NOW!

One commercial I saw that really made me stop and think was the Oprah commercial I just saw.  Oprah says that if I just join Weight Watchers (a company that she just bought a 10%  interest into) that I can BE THE WOMAN I KNOW I CAN BE.

Actually, she says, “Inside every overweight woman, is a woman she knows she can be”

She’s right, but she’s so wrong.   What she should have said is:

  • Inside every person is the voice that tells them to SHUT OUT the voices of others telling them that they needs to change to be worthy.
  • Inside every person is the TRUTH that they are good enough, right now, just as they is.
  • Inside every person is the knowledge that her body isn’t the only thing of value that they have.  They knows they’re worth far more than the size of their jeans.
  • Inside every person is the person who is stronger than they thinks, more beautiful than they believe and braver than they know.

She also said

“Many times you look in the mirror and you don’t even recognize your own self because you got lost, buried, in the weight that you carry”

She’s right, because we, as a society have said that the only thing that matters  is to be thin- someone else’s version of “beautiful”.  It’s not just WOMEN who are told they need to be thin, or muscular or have a full head of hair  or look a certain way to be worthy. Men are fed the same bull every day.  When  the majority of the country is above a size 14, why do we continue to buy into this crap?

I was lost, nearly hopelessly so, because I listened to the people and voice that told me that I had no value because I was fat.  The extra weight on my body didn’t hold me down nearly as much as the weight of the words that people spewed at me.  The heaviest weight I carried was other peoples hatred and disdain simply because I wore bigger clothes than them. I may only be 17, but I do know which one of those nearly broke me.

butterfly change

It’s January. It’s a natural time to make “resolutions”  If you want to lose weight in the incoming year to become healthier, then do it. I am.  But I am also resolving to be a better friend, to continue to help stop bullying, and most of all to help other people, men and woman, know that inside each and every one of them is a TRUTH.

You’re special- just the way you are. You ARE the person you know you can be, right now.  You don’t have to wait for a New Year, or to lose weight, or for anything else to love yourself.

You need to love yourself, now.  You deserve it.

What I Am Scared Of

Today Did something BIG.  I made a decision that I’ve been wrestling with for quite some time. I also decided to do something that I’m really scared of.

I decided to start to try and get healthy. Physically.  And I’m terrified.

I’m also very proud of myself.


This isn’t about changing my body because I don’t like who I am.   It’s about changing my body because I FINALLY like who I am.

I’m not doing this to get into smaller jeans or to rock out a certain outfit. I’m doing it because I’m scared for my health. With the problems I’ve already had with my health, the extra weight I’m carrying can only cause more problems. My Mom has diabetes. My dad has a heart condition. My little brother has asthma. I need to get healthier.  I will do it.

I could use some support, and some cheering, because this is the first time I’ve tried to do this and I’m terrified.  Terrified to fail. Terrified to succeed. Terrified of doing nothing.  So, I’m making my move.

Here I go.