Last week, someone I love very much tried to kill themself. I know all too well the feeling of hopelessness and anguish that can bring you to that point. When you are surrounded by so much NOTHING that the only one way out= to become nothing.
Just as I know now, oh so importantly, that IT GETS BETTER. It does.
I decided now is the time to share MY story, my whole story. About how I was bullied- not just in High School, or Middle School, but how it started in 2nd grade. I was 8. I was different- in my case, I was overweight. It never mattered that I was sick, and it caused me to gain weight, all people saw was my body. They didn’t see me. I learned from age 8 that I was worthless. I learned how to smile through tears. I learned how to hide pain. I learned how to accept shards of friendship becasue I thought it was all I was deserving of. It only got worse. Much worse.
Why? Because I am fat. I have been fat since I was small because my thyroid went crazy and for reasons I couldn’t have helped, I gained a lot of weight. I started hiding behind it because it was me. I was the fat girl, and I was worthless. Then as I got older I got other sicknesses that helped me gain weight. Depression did the rest.
Here is my story:
I came close to ending my life simply because other people didn’t like what they saw, and I let them make me a victim. I let my self doubt, and yes, even self hatred spiral me into a pit I nearly didn’t crawl out of.
But, I did crawl out of it.
I made a decision that I was worthy, I was special, I was beautiful. I deserve to be happy, and I am going to be. I choose to believe in ME. Not what others see or think or say. I want to lose weight, sure. But even if I don’t lose a pound, I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am not a size or a number on a scale. I am so much more than that.
And I want to be there, to SHOUT TO EACH AND EVERY OTHER PERSON who is being told they are worthless, pathetic, losers that You are NOT. You are a worthy, wonderful gift to this earth and maybe they don’t see it, hell, maybe even YOU don’t see it, but you are! Love yourself. YOU deserve it. and if no one else can see it, too bad.
Find someone who does see who you are and how wonderful you are and believe them when they tell you. Find an ally. Be an ally to others. Share our strength. Share positive words and smiles. Believe with everything you are that everyone is beautiful and had worth.