I was at the point of giving up. I had my hand to my mouth, ready to swallow death but I was fortunately stopped. I stayed up that entire night thinking about how much I didn’t want to do this anymore. I woke up the next morning and the radio was playing your song. I stopped what I was doing, sat down and listened to it. After the song ended I broke down and sobbed for about an hour. I had felt so alone, so disgusting and hopeless at that point. People all around me were constantly telling me I wasn’t good enough, I would never be good enough. It was drilled into my head. I felt like no one would ever think I was beautiful or worth anything, that there was no point in me staying on earth. You changed that, you changed me. It wasn’t an automatic “I am 100% better and now I’m saved!!”. No, not even close. There were still days where I felt like hurting myself, there were still days where I cried myself to sleep, there were still days where I felt like a disgusting blob. But the difference was, I had you.
When I felt the urge to do something drastic, I would listen to your songs. When I felt like there was no chance of me being able to be happy, I would watch your videos and they made me feel a bit of that happy that I almost forgot. I started smiling more. It’s amazing how looking at someone else’s smile can make you form your own. I learned all the lyrics to your songs, I sang them day in and day out. I learned how to play your songs on the piano. It helped me get away from the sadness, even if it was just for 2 and a half minutes. You eventually inspired me to start writing my own songs. I’ve written so many that I can’t even count. I have lyric sheets and sheet music littered all over my bedroom. I just started recording my own music. You helped me find a passion that has stuck with me for over 3 years.
I slowly but surely started to get better. I would find myself smiling more every day. I could catch myself laughing for real in conversations. Here I am, years later. I’ll never completely heal, because I don’t think you can be when you go through something like that, but I think I’m happy now, and that’s something I never thought I would be. I learned to love myself, have hope, be confident, go after your passions and spread kindness and love and most of all, how to make myself happy again. All this from a band who doesn’t know and may never know I exist. But that’s alright, because you left a mark on me and now I am going to try to leave my mark on other people. I’m sharing my music, and my story with the world. I’m not the only one that you as a band have helped. There are millions of girls who have been in similar situations as me and feel the same way, and you’ve helped them through their rough times too. Thank you, on behalf of me and the other millions of girls you have helped.
You didn’t save my life, but you helped me save my own. I don’t think I could ever thank you enough for that.