Monthly Archives: March 2015

Why Zayn Is Leaving One Direction

I just read that Zayn Malik has decided to leave One Direction.

I’m heartbroken.  I’m heartbroken, selfishly, for me, for the Band, for the fandom, and most of all for Zayn.

In his statement, he said he was leaving “because I want to be a normal 22-year-old who is able to relax and have some private time out of the spotlight.”  Zayn says: “My life with One Direction has been more than I could ever have imagined. But, after five years, I feel like it is now the right time for me to leave the band. I’d like to apologies to the fans if I’ve let anyone down, but I have to do what feels right in my heart. I know I have four friends for life in Louis, Liam, Harry and Niall. I know they will continue to be the best band in the world.”


The thing is, I’m heartbroken, but I can understand why he felt he needed to leave. Why?  WE did this. Some of the FANDOM did this.  When we stop seeing and loving them for the music that they shared with us, and started thinking we OWNED them.  If I’m really honest, I have to say in a lot of ways some of his fans bullied him.  They used their power as a fandom to harass him, causing a frenzy simply because he had his arm around him.  If any girl is lucky enough to date on of The Boys, they are also unlucky as it’s guaranteed to unleash a torrent of hate on them for no other reason than the fan ISN’T dating them.  How can you hate someone simply because someone likes them? How do you hate on someone because they have something you don’t, and most likely, can’t?  When people started the whole “Larry” rumor, it destroyed an important friendship between two people who made magic- with MUSIC.

When we’ve forgotten the most important rule there is, BE KIND, and TREAT OTHERS THEY WAY YOU WANT TO BE TREATED, then we all lose.   Here’s the thing. I get it. I, like most fan girls, would dream of dating one of The Boys. I also recognized that it was improbable, and as someone who really, truly cares about the band, and The Boys as people, I’m happy for them. I’m happy when they get girlfriends, and new cars, and new haircuts and even happy when Harry shows up with is crazy outfits.  I’m HAPPY they  are happy.

Some people  will think that the reactions of the fans  is overkill.  Please, don’t.  One Direction is much more than just a bunch of boys singing together. They are a group that helped bring together so many people.  The truth is, One Direction helped save my life.  They helped me find my way back of a dark, scary place.   They helped me find my happy,   So, if being in One Direction is making Zayn  unhappy, I’m glad he found the strength to #BeBrave and do what’s best for him.  To #BeBrave, you have to stand up for the bullied, stand up to the bullies, and stand up for yourself.  He’s doing what’s right for him. he’s being Brave.

Sometimes, making the right choice for yourself seems like the worst choice for everyone else. But, if you really care about someone, you have to support the choices they make, even if you don’t agree with them.

Zayn, I’m sorry to see you go. I’ll miss you – your voice, your style, your incredible high notes, and your kindness.  But I wish you well.  I’ll still love One Direction. I’m still going to 4 concerts. I’ll still hope to meet the band at one of them. I want to thank them.


There are a lot of things I have been in my life:

  • Happy
  • Sad
  • Confused
  • Depressed
  • Angry
  • Hopeless
  • Hopeful

But the thing I am most proud of, is that I decided to be Brave. Brave enough to stand up to the bullies, stand up for the bullied, and to finally, thankfully, stand up for myself.  I nearly killed myself because I was bullied.  My story, sadly, isn’t that unique, except that the bullies didn’t know I was overweight because of a medical problem, all they saw was a fat girl. They didn’t see ME, the girl inside. I had to learn to be brave, and get stronger.  Here’s a song I composed and wrote about it.   We should all learn to #BeBrave, and we can help end bullying.

Sometimes, you need to Be More Than A Bystander  and by standing up for  or standing with someone is the best way to help them.  Please share if you know someone who needs a little courage, a little strength,  some hope, and love. Help them #BeBrave.


Many many thanks to my friend Miette for filming and producing this video.

Just Dance!

When I read the story about  #DancingMan it broke heart, then made it SING! Somebody caught a man dancing, and took photos of him  making fun of him.  #DancingMan saw what they were doing, and hung his head in shame. The caption of the original post read:

Saw this specimen trying to dance the other week.  He stopped when he saw us laughing.


When I was 13, I went to a dance at our local teen center and I was so excited to have a good time.  I had decided to just HAVE FUN, and yes, I danced. I danced until  I overheard a bunch of guys laughing at me, saying, “What is Ally doing dancing, she’s so FAT!”  It broke my heart.  I wrote about it.   It really affected me. Even now, I’m a little self-conscience when I dance. It took me a while, but I have learned to dance again!

Oh, God.  How many times in my life have I stopped doing something I love because other people made fun of me?  How many times I have I hung my head and tried to act like I had I really didn’t think I had  the right, the audacity to embrace joy and happiness even though I’m not what some people think of as beautiful or acceptable!  NO MORE.  Now I do what I want and most of the time I feel great about it.  Sometime, though those old feelings come back and I slink down and hide.   I push myself to remember that I am worthy of feeling, being and doing whatever makes me happy.

I’m SO excited that Cassandra and her crew were able to track down #DancingMan , whose name is Sean, and invited him to a big dance party with lots of women who want to dance with him. It’s gotten bigger and bigger, with Pharrell, celebrity dj’s and others wanting to join in this dance party!

I want in. I want into the fabulous dance party that is about this one man, Sean, who was made to feel awful when all he was doing was dancing. I can’t go to the party, it’s in California, but I sure as hell can have my OWN party the night they they’re dancing!  In my house in Connecticut, I’ll be boogieing down with my family celebrating all that is FABULOUS about dancing-  the freedom, the joy, the way that dancing lets your  laugh with your body to the beat of music that moves your soul.   Not just me, but my Dad, who wept today, remembering being made fun of for dancing, and yet, still will get up and dance with my Mom, because they love each other. My Mom, who laughs and says she does the “preteen girl hop” when she dances, but she still dances,  all the time, and my little brother, who is learning how to dance, and still laughs and loves it!  The bullies haven’t gotten into his head about it, yet. I won’t let that happen.  I will dance, even though I think I’m not good at it, but secretly like to dance with myself.

Won’t you dance with us?  We can ALL be #DancingMan or DancingWoman- let’s just be #DancingPeople and  spend even 5 minutes dancing together, where ever we are. Let’s Be Brave and DO IT!  Who wants in?