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Monthly Archives: August 2012
On Monday, I start High School. I’m excited, anxious, and a little scared. Luckily I’ve been really busy lately with my friends so I haven’t had too much time to obsess about it, but every now and then I think about it and I get all nervous again.
Oh, and I made the Junior Varsity Cheer team. And I quit.
I know, I know, I’ve been all “I love cheer and I’m a great cheerleader” and all that, and I do, and I am, but there is more to it than that.
Last year I had a very very bad case of Lyme Disease. I missed a lot of school, and was in the hospital and on IV antibiotics and generally sick as hell. Some things that people do not know that is being a teenager with Lyme is a lot different than being an adult with Lyme. Lyme disease is treated with antibiotics, but it can take a long time before you are well. It can cause extreme tiredness, sore muscles and joints,and a lot of other things, but worst of all, it can cause depression. That was the worst part of it for me. I was really badly depressed and had some really dark and scary days a few times. Thank God my mom took me to many different doctors and between all of them, they have been helping me get better. I’ve got my depression under control now, and even though I’ve been re-infected with Lyme (Damn those Connecticut deer ticks) and taking antibiotics again, I’m getting stronger every day!
This is what I told my Mom when she was kinda freaking out when I said maybe I needed a break from cheer. At first, before she spoke to the doctors and all, she said that I had to finish out cheer because I had tried out and got a place on the team. Believe me, it was not easy for me to suggest that maybe I need a break, but it was the best thing all around- for me, and my team.
“Mom, I get what your saying but honestly if I want to be a role model I want it be be because I’m strong and I am true to myself. I love cheer, I did it, I proved I could and I didn’t let my weight stop me But I am tired and not feeling well. Being in high school is all about learning new things and becoming the person I will be, and that is going to take a lots of experience on my part. I am not giving up on cheer, I am trying other things. Will being overweight make it easy to be in theater? No, it might even be harder. There are not many ingénues who are overweight! The whole POINT of my blog is to be true to yourself whatever you weigh and not take crap from people because they set limits on people based on their size. Please do not make me cheer. I want to feel well enough to give it my all and not second guess myself. Let me try other things and let me grow into who I want to be.”
Being so sick made me realize that maybe I need a break from cheering for a while. It’s a really hard SPORT (and it is SO a sport) and I was so weak and tired from being sick that things honestly weren’t so much fun for me, especially physical things. Between my Mom, my doctors,and I we decided that it would be best that I take a break and get healthier before I start again. It wasn’t an easy decision to make but once I did, I spoke to my coach and she understood. She and my team were understanding which made it so much easier.
Over the summer I had a chance to do a summer musical and I remembered how much I LOVE LOVE LOVE theater! So I’ve asked to take dance classes and some voice classes as well. I’ve also been taking lots of photos of my friend and loving that as well.
One thing I LOVE about taking photos is that with a camera that I can use it to take photos of everyone and make them see HOW BEAUTIFUL they are!
YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THIN TO BE BEAUTIFUL
I’ll say it again.
YOU DO NOT NEED TO BE THIN TO BE BEAUTIFUL
You need to have faith and belief in yourself. You have to know that there is awesomeness in EVERYONE. Real beauty is being YOURSELF, not the ideals you read in magazine.
Essentially, this is what I think:
So, are you nervous about school starting? Excited? What do you hope will be different or what are your hopes for this year?