My Valentine this year is myself. And no, that isn’t meant to be in a depressing or ‘forever alone’ type of way, it’s because I’m continually learning to be in love with myself. It’s been a hard couple of years. Transitioning to a teenager to an adult who is kind of lost on where I’m going, it’s a bit scary. And so far, I’ve been working on my overall health. Mental, Physical and emotional. I will admit, it’s not easy.
I am honest on this blog, and I will say I haven’t been writing. There really isn’t any excuse for that other than lack of motivation and writers block. I would start new posts and stop in the middle, never getting around to finishing them. Another reason I’ve been so offline is for the past year I’ve really been struggling with my depression and anxiety. The depression has been getting better, though the winter is always challenging, but the anxiety seems to get worse. It makes me overthink what I post, how I’m being portrayed on the internet, how others think of me… but it’s been a while and thankfully I have an incredible family around me as a support system.
It has been a journey into loving myself.
I’ll admit there are many days I am unhappy with what I see in the mirror; and that’s why I’ve been on the road to changing it. I’ve been eating well, exercising a bit more, and using meditation. It’s helped both my body and my mind become a lot healthier. In 2016, I came to the realization that I am not healthy. I’m not. Being obese is not healthy and it’s hurting me. My back hurts, as do my knees, I get out of breath easily, It’s hard to be comfortable in my own body- and that is not okay with me.
But the difference with me now is, I’m learning to love myself at all stages. I’m loving myself now, I’m loving myself 30 pounds down, I’ll love myself when I lose 100 pounds. I refuse to say I hate my body, because I don’t. I never will. It’s the one constant I have in my life, but I want to change it to be more comfortable. I know I will never be tiny, and I don’t want that. I am perfectly content being plus size my entire life, I just want to be a healthy weight, and keep up a healthy mindset.
That is why my valentine is myself. I am the most important person to me right now, and that is okay. It is not selfish, It is what I need to better myself. I love myself, and you should love yourself, too.